In Chapter 8, Mischel describes virtuous and vicious cycles. In your opinion how can self-control enhance virtuous cycles of growth in our students? How can increased self-control help students in vicious cycles of negativity and skill deficits turn things around?
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I finished my Friday wanting a Vodka Martini after several parent calls- one being a non-trusting divorced parent wanting to contact both mom and dad and not expect relaying info a good option. Instead I went for a run (practicing my cool system tactics when feeling hot). When I look at the virtuous and vicious systems, I see this situation I dealt with on Friday. A boy stuck in time feeling like he is constantly bullied. He shares this with peers and a staff member in his Den of Ten group after a lesson on compassion. The teacher reports it and I investigate it. The boy cannot tell me dates or times and I call in the cavalry: his 5th grade team. We meet after school and process with him what is going on. He has difficulty coming up with the details so one of his fifth grade teachers who has magical cooling tactics helps guide him with questions. He is able to come up with information from October and last school year. With soothing redirection he then processes he has not been bullied and it has discontinued. I had met before school let out with the two boys with whom he keeps bringing up. They tell me they have not had any contact with the boy. They were surprised by my asking for help with this problem. When I shared that information, the boy became emotional and then said when he gets older he is going to beat up the bully. His other teacher says, “Well that is called Assault and you can get arrested and go to jail for doing that.” He seemed surprised and let down by that alternative. We then focused on forgiveness and moving on. This is where the vicious cycle needs to be broken in this student’s head. He is constantly reliving these moments in time where he was the victim: helpless. The school has worked diligently over the years to stop these situations he brought up. We have discussed with him how to be assertive, practiced it with him, talked about reporting immediately, and have stopped it from continuing. He has not found a way to let go and is stuck in this vicious cycle. I am worried for his future as you can see the little mustache (a chick stache as I call it) forming above his lip hence showing puberty is here. So I called everyone, other parents included, and informed them about the situation. I sent out a long email to staff and his community counselor. And I got more focused with the community counselor on treatment plans for helping him let go. If we can pump his Virtuous Cycle of developing skills and self-regulation, also finding ways to like himself and be hopeful, maybe middle school won’t be so bad. Maybe I won’t see him on the news. Maybe he will grow to be a computer scientist and smile more. Just maybe. Thanks for listening.
When I look at the virtuous and vicious cycle and self-control, I think about how much virtuous support doe the student have currently when dealing with a hot topic? Friday I worked with a 5th grade boy who claimed he is constantly bullied. He named 2 boys who were doing it. I investigated and the two boys were surprised when I asked for help because their names keep coming up in a situation. They exhibited astonishment and said they have had no contact with the other boy since an incident in October. I thanked them and went to meet with alleged victim. In front of my eyes and his 5th grade team, he relived the moment. Now it took some digging because he immediately claimed he is bad with times and dates but one of his teachers helped him get out of the hot system and be able to think. He then recounted the occurrence in October that was handled immediately and another situation in 4th and 3rd with another boy who has since moved and those were handled too. Counseling was put into place to help him and I would check in with him and go over self-help strategies for reporting and being assertive. The educators in the room saw this boy become emotional in front of us. He truly felt these situations were happening to him daily. This is the vicious cycle that some kids, like him, live him feeling like the world is out to get him and he is helpless. We talked about forgiveness and moving on. We gave words to try when being bullied. We even gave him a new script when sharing: “I was bullied in the past but now it has stopped.” I contacted all parental units in involved as well as a follow up email to his counselor, team and principal. I was direct with the counselor about working on a skill set of empowerment, forgiveness, and letting go. He shared with his teachers that when he is older and bigger he will beat up the bully. One of his teacher shared that is called assault and you can go to jail for that. He didn’t like that response. So everyone has a job here to work on this boy’s virtuous cycle of support and help him see within himself he is capable of standing up, he is able of reporting, and then letting go of these toxic beliefs.
Ok. I thought the first one didn’t published so I rewrote it. Sorry for the confusion.
When a student uses self-control they can enhance the virtuous cycles of growth because they can think more positively about themselves and what they can do which usually leads to more effort and success. If a negative student can increase their self-control, they may be able to break the vicious cycle that keeps them from making attempts at success.
It’s been a tough week and a half for our school. Usually rare, we’ve had a number of physical altercations between students recently (one where luckily I was in the right place and right time and was able to break it up fairly quickly). We’ve had a “threatening remark” made by a student that resulted in bringing in increased security and we’ve had numerous mothers posting on a Facebook site all kinds of untrue statements and negative opinions. Needless to say, I feel no one is exhibiting self-control this past week! I did have to laugh when one of my boys asked, “Mrs. Nicely, how is it you have so much patience with all of us?” I’m not exactly sure but I have been thinking a lot about self control!
Thinking of how self-control enhances virtuous cycles of growth, I needed to look at my 440 or so students who are doing the “right thing” and not the handful that are making poor decisions. Self-control gives them focus and determination; it allows one to slow down, realize his/her frustration or anger and practice coping strategies rather than being offended by what someone else says and responding by punching them. Self-control allows conversation to happen, hard work to be done and relationships to be built.
I would hope that my students who were involved in the fight can learn to increase their self-control through work with me or our outside counselor, developing coping strategies when in a calm state that can start to transfer to situations when they are angry. I’ve begun working with one of the girls on just that. Relationship building and modeling (peer groups and adults) can also help her to build self-control and self-confidence. Unfortunately, it saddens me that one of the girls was suspended (rightfully so) but won’t be coming back to our school as custody issues are landing her back in Columbus. I’m concerned that her vicious cycle of negativity will continue.
The more self-control students practice, the more grit they possess and the more persistent they are when facing adverse conditions. Couple that with an optimistic outlook (virtuous cycle); expectation of success is higher, willingness to delay gratification exists, failure is seen as a challenge or a tool to figure out how to improve the next time. One possessing a pessimistic outlook(vicious cycle of negativity) turns failure inward…blames themselves rather than using the moment as a means for striving for success.
When working with middle school students, I see a lot of students who do not use self control on a consistent basis. Some of these times, these students earn an office consequence for their lack of self control and poor choices they exhibit. Sad to say but the majority of the students that are seen in the front office are repeat offenders and their lack of self control keeps the vicious cycle going. Its seems like 20 percent of our student population takes up 80 percent of our time, and the root of the problems we are seeing them for are lack of self control in some aspect. If students do exhibit self control in a situation they previously had not, I believe that is a wonderful learning opportunity for the student and to reflect/compare with the student the “what/if” on how they previously handed the situation and the most recent. This would be extremely powerful for the student.
Whether you have a student in a virtuous cycle of growth or a vicious cycle of growth , the premise pertaining to self-control is the same.
A student exhibiting self control or a newly found increase in self control will typically achieve wanted goals over time. We,as human beings, see that when we exhibit self-control and achieve certain desirable goals, whether major or small , we continue on with this type of behavior.
A person who exhibits pessimistic behaviors, will notice that an optimistic behavior helped them achieve a certain goal. In order to get that bone, so to speak, will mean that they cannot continue in the vicious cycle. To be rewarded, they will need to make desirable changes. I think overtime, this positive reinforcement helps a student change their behavior, thus breaking the vicious cylce they had been in.
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Self control allows a student to “think before she does” which gives her time to consider more choices for a response, hopefully choices with positive outcomes. It promotes optimistic thought, a can-do mindset that promotes a virtuous growth cycle for students. This helps the student have faith that she will be successful and will have positive outcomes from her choices and lessen the presence of a vicious learning cycle of expecting the worst.
Increased self-control can help students in a vicious cycle of negativity by showing them a glimpse of hope that they have the ability to exert some control over their lives. I have an 8th grade student who has not attended school for 6 years. Her parents are mentally ill and abusive, and said they were “homeschooling” her, but there was almost no instruction going on. She lives with grandpa and grandma but her parents are still legal guardians and come in and out of her life when they please. Clearly, she is struggling academically now in 8th grade, but we make a big deal about praising ANYTHING that she does well. As you can imagine, her grades are not stellar, and the level of violence and chaos in her past have given her a VERY short fuse. This past week, we had to send home failure letters to students that said they might have to be retained if they continue to fail. I had already explained to her that this did not apply to her because of her unique situation. She still came into my office VERY mad because her dad had screenshot her the letter and was mocking her telling her she was going to fail and be in the 8th grade forever!! As I talked logically and rationally with her, she started to deescalate and did not go storming out of my office in a rage. I could feel that as she listened to my words and was choosing to NOT continue with her feelings of rage that she felt better. I even said, “What can you say to dad the next time he tells you that you will fail now that you know this decision is NOT his to make for you?” She said, “I can say, ‘Ok, Dad, whatever!'”
Even knowing that she had a way to exert self-control and calmly respond to dad now instead of letting him escalate her was empowering for her.
Self-control allows students to pause and let their cool systems “take over” and lead them to hopefully making positive choices. These positive choices can lead to students having success and learning that they have control of themselves and their own positive gains. This could begin a virtuous cycle that will shape this child and help them learn to have grit and an optimistic attitude with the underlying thought that they can indeed shape their own lives. For someone in a vicious cycle, learning to stop and think about how they can approach each hurdle and experiencing some positive outcomes, could break the vicious cycle and allow them to further develop their self control. Once they have “proof” that there are some things within their control, their attitude may become more optimistic and hopeful as they encounter further difficulties. I do believe that there are trying times for people who typically have an optimistic outlook and utilize their cooling systems and that people may exercise strict self control in one aspect of life but are not able to get out of vicious cycles in another area or areas. Hopefully, once a person experiences successes when utilizing their cool system, this will provide intrinsic motivation to continue exercising self control in other areas of life.
Students who exhibit self control can expect more positive outcomes in school and elsewhere. By practicing the “If/then” with students who do not typically use self control, they will eventually see the benefits [better grades, less discipline, positive social interactions with peers and teachers]. Genuine, specific praise and encouragement when these skills are used is essential because sometimes these students don’t even realize the difference in their behavior.
I’ve spent most of this week with a group of girls who epitomize vicious cycles of negativity. Their reaction to just about any situation is drama, put downs, physical fighting, threatening one another and complaining about being a victim. In the many hours that I’ve spent with them, I’ve tried to model and teach an optimistic outlook and how it really changes everything. One of the girls said to me, “Mrs. Fisher, you’re always so positive and happy. How come?” I talked to her about the way you think is a choice. It makes or breaks your relationships, experiences and day-to-day happiness. That concept is something that my husband and I taught and modeled for our own kids every day, but to this young lady it seemed to be a new concept. It’s so hard to watch students repeat the same negative, impulsive behavior OVER and OVER again. It makes me sad that some parents set their kids up for the same miserable lives they have by not teaching their kids a positive mindset.
Self control allows students to “Pause to Think” and connect/bring awareness to their thoughts, feelings & expected behavior. Self awareness leads to more success with self control. When a student see’s or experiences a positive – safe outcome this reinforces the I can attitude and assists in dissolving the negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
I’m currently working with a child who has recently developed a fear of separating from her parents. In her mind she feels really bad that this is happening but in the moment she looses her self control and becomes very emotionally escalated or sick. The adults in her life have set up tools to help her through these moments so that she sees and feels the success of “I can do this” and “I’m safe” The process can be emotional for those involved because when you are trying to work with or change a behavior often the behavior gets worse before it gets better so the team has to really get gritty to help the child become more in control.
Some tools we have put in place to help this child work her way out of the virtuous cycle and gain self control…
1. When she is escalated stopping and taking deep breaths – blowing into a pinwheel (the visual of the pinwheel triggers her to take her deep breaths without too much dialogue)
2. Scooping her up and bringing her into the environment as quickly as can be.
3. When she deescalates reinforce that she’s safe, okay. loved at both home/school, and praising her for positive behaviors.
4. Setting up a worry time to talk about her worries.
5. Positive check in time with the school counselor.
As an elementary music teacher, I teach students in grades K through 5. This lets me see the developmental growth of most students over a longer period of time. The majority of my students are usually in a virtuous cycle and with proper modeling and positive reinforcement, I feel we can enhance their growing, learning and life experiences. There are always those who I see stuck in a vicious cycle from year to year and they can’t get out of it. I have thought a lot about our discussions on the early development of executive functioning and self-control and these students, for one reason or another, must not have acquired these skills. Because class sizes are often large these students don’t always get the individual attention that is necessary to help them move forward. We use PBIS in our school and it does help some of these students with their “hot” thinking, but many will remain in this vicious cycle. Can we as educators change this pattern or will it take more than just us to make a difference?
When students exhibit self control, they are able to not only learn this behavior in one element or aspect of their lives, but they begin to transfer these self control skills to other problems and areas of their lives. For example, one of my kindergarten students used to cry every time he felt like something was challenging or frustrating for him. Our school uses PBIS (positive behavior intervention supports) in which we use the “zones of regulation.” This teaches students strategies they can use when they feel out of control, frustrated or upset using positive language and body control. With this student, we have identified his triggers together (writing time, or trouble sharing with peers during recess) and we have made if-then statements together. We say, “if writing is difficult, then I will take a deep breath, take a walk, tell myself I can do it, or stretch out the words to help myself spell.” It has been really cool to watch this student, because I can see him get frustrated, but then he uses those strategies and is able to self-soothe and work through his frustration. Then he is able to successfully write a sentence and communicate with his peers rather than cry and give up. These skills have accelerated his progress and helped him have success in our classroom.
Ultimately, I think self-control skills allow students to escape the vicious cycle of negativity.
We see this a lot at the elementary level- the same kids in a vicious cycle of poor choices…some able to process the situations and try to build a plan so it doesn’t happen again, some resistant to change as they believe that change will not come from them, but rather external factors (he called me a name, he made me hit him). It’s hard to watch the kids that act then think because you see the regret and the desire to change- they just haven’t built the skills in order to self-regulate! I see this a lot with kids that I meet with as they kill it in sessions but fail to generalize those skills across settings. I’ve seen success in building virtuous cycles when we can partner skill building with immediate reinforcement in targeted settings…if only we had the time to do this with all of our kids!
In your opinion how can self-control enhance virtuous cycles of growth in our students? How can increased self-control help students in vicious cycles of negativity and skill deficits turn things around?
I think self-control allows kids to positively deal with stressors and allows them to have success in life because once they are able to have self control in one area of their life, they can transfer these skills to other areas. For example, in my kindergarten class, I have one student that used to cry every time he was upset or frustrated. Together he and I identified his triggers (writing time, and when peers have different ideas than him). At our school, we use PBIS (positive behavior intervention supports) and zones of regulation which allow students to use positive language and gives them physical strategies to use when they feel out of control, frustrated, or upset. Together the student and I were able to come up with If-then statements. We say, “If writing is difficult, I can take a deep breath, take a walk, tell myself I can do it, stop and think, or stretch out the word to help myself work through it.” As time has progressed, I have watched as this student makes a conscious effort to use these strategies we have talked about. Even yesterday, he was very frustrated during writing and I watched as he self-soothed and worked his way out of his frustration by using these strategies. This was him using his “cool system.” I know that these strategies are things he can transfer to other areas of his life when he feels upset or frustrated.
Ultimately, vicious cycles can be avoided when people are able to use self-control in their lives.
In Middle school we have several kiddos who are constantly in a vicious cycle of negativity. They blame everything on their ADHD, home life, anxiety, relationships etc. Many times these kids have no self control, make bad choices and have short “hot cycles ” etc. However, today I met with a student who for the last 2 years has made some poor choices. He is severely ADHD, has very little home support and lacks self-control. He just does what feels right in the moment. He has barely passed the last two years and this year he was suspended due to vaping. After some harsh consequences and blaming others, he finally realized that he was in full control of his life and decisions. With several adults rallying around him to give him ” 1 more chance” he has realized that it doesn’t matter what is going on, what diagnosis he has, he can control his choices and see/feel success. He told me today he is never going back to where he was and he is in full control of his future. To me this is him getting out of that vicious cycle and began his virtuous cycle of growth. He finally realized if he lets people help him, and he changes his mindset and does not give in to his temptations he can feel and be successful. He quit blaming and started taking control.
A virtuous circle has favorable results, while a vicious circle has detrimental results.
A teacher that maintains an positive relationship with parents and students leads to increased work satisfaction for teachers which leads to more positive relationships with parents and students.
A vicious circle is an repetitive process that produces negative results that feed into the next repetitive process resulting in ever declining outcomes. These self-defeating practices and obstacles are difficult to overcome.
A teacher that maintains contentious and unsympathetic interactions with parents and students leads to low work satisfaction and work related stress for teachers. This may lead to worsening relations with parents and students and the cycle repeats. Taking regular initiative to strengthen and maintain rapport with everyone, especially with people where rapport does not come naturally, will make interactions easier, more effective, leading to improved working relationships for all involved.
When students can exhibit self control and think about what is happening and the power they have with their reactions it makes a world of difference. Unfortunately, the students we wok with most tend to be in a cycle of negative thinking and they have a hard time seeing how they can take control in any given situation. Having the skills to regulate the difficult feelings that come up and get to the “smart brain”before acting is a huge area we can help kids work in OVER and OVER. It can be learned with practice and consistency.
Supporting, modeling and teaching self control skills in a child’s early years, both at school and at home, is so crucial to enhancing virtuous cycles of growth! Empathy, mastery, optimism, growth mindset…all enhance a child’s development. Self control and virtuous cycles of growth go hand-in-hand. I see this all the time in my role. Kids who are successful and are encouraged and challenged in a positive way are way more likely to work harder and reach their goals. If a child is given opportunities to see mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, they have a better chance of turning things around.